life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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