the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
