i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize