He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
