They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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