Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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