Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
