he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize