well I can't set my house on fire every night
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
