You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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