You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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