I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
