Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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