"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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