East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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