"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
