I am puke
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
