On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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