I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
