***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
