If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
