I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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