I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
