the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it's like iHOP with fire
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
