zippers are such a cool invention
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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