This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
