Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
