my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize