come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
