Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
