I'm jealous of your bromance
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
