How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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