So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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