last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
