why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
