its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
