i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
