Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I stole a fireplace last night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
