you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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