small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
