Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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