The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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