If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
