I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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