On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just forgot I was standing up.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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