i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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