**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
