you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
