Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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