i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
