do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
