That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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