My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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