It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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