I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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