I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize