Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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