My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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