Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
