How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
