im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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