Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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