Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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