he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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