I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
