it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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