I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
