Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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