My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
