I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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