There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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