did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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