I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
