Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
