I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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