This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
