i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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