dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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