Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
